We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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