I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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