is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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