Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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