Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
