We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
