That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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