Your face is a jimmy john
Please, let me fuck your mom
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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