Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
