I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
