Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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