I need to stop coming to work sober
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
