If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
