Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
