my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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