just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize