Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Couch. On fire.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
