it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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