Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
