God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Found your dick twin last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
