Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize