Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize