So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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