i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
