I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
