I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize