i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
