Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
