How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
