we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
