My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
