Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
