dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
