He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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