porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
