Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
