I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
