How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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