ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
