Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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