Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
