If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
