Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
