good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
