I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
