the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
