you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
