Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
