My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
