I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
