I puked a lego.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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