i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
