I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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