some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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