I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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