Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
