We need to rekindle our bromance
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
