Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
