So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize