Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
