Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
