Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
