Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
