we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize